The worst advise I think anyone can receive when sharing their demons with the world is this,
"You can do anything you set your mind to."
Respectfully, I call BULL-SHIT.
First, it's not that simple.
Second, you are making them out to be a victim.
Third, if it were true, no one would ever give up on a dream.
Fourth, it offers no level of compassion or support.
Fifth, it takes more than mindset to accomplish anything.
Let's break these down, one-by-one.
1. It's not that simple.
If the only thing standing between me and being a successful screenwriter is setting my mind to it, then done. I want it more than anything. I think about it all the time. I study the craft. What I don't do, is write. Because I am terrified I suck at it. Because I can't face the possibility of being an okay writer. Because I listen to the voices that tell me not to try so I don't have to face my truth.
This statement doesn't take into account the complexity of being human with active egos and shadows that only want to keep you safe. Add a history of depression and anxiety, and the voiced in my head are crowed and pretty loud.
So, just deciding once to do what I want doesn't change me to my core or inspire me to get up, everyday, to slay those dragons.
2. This quote makes them out to be a victim.
This is one that probably bothers me the most. If it is as easy as just setting your mind to do it, and you don't succeed, then there must be something wrong with you. And by complaining about it, you are acting like a whiny victim who maybe doesn't deserve to have what you want, after all.
Yes, I know I am projecting my ugly side on this one, and I don't care. You can't believe it is as simple as setting your mind to accomplishing something and also believe that those who don't accomplish what they want are deserving of what they want.
3. If it were true, no one would ever give up on a dream.
If it were as simple as setting your mind to it, then why would anyone ever give up their dreams? Why wouldn't they just set their mind to it every single day?
Truth is, and you know this, just because you set your mind to something doesn't mean it is aligned with your purpose. It doesn't mean you were called to do it. It doesn't mean this is your destiny.
What if what you set your mind to doesn't support your business, your passion, or your purpose? What if what you set your mind to was determined by society and/or your ego and not your soul's truth? Then it will never come easy because it is not meant for you to do.
So, when I struggle with my writing, I have to check in and remind myself this is what I am here to do - share my truth, spark real conversations that create real change, tell stories that move people to take action - and the push back I receive is from fear and ego. And overcoming those two things takes a lot more than just setting my mind to it.
4. If offers no level of compassion or support.
One of the disadvantages of being open and vulnerable online is receiving advice and feedback that you not only want, but don't actually offer any level or support or compassion.
You see it in the comments on almost every heartfelt post on Facebook, even when the author requests to only be witnessed (meaning, keep your advice to yourself).
So when you tell me to set my mind to something, without the exact steps to actually making that happen, you get me no closer to my goals.
In fact, you add a new voice to my head, one that says, "Damn, Kristina, why haven't you just set your mind to it? How hard can it be? Everyone else has figured this out but you. See, you aren't supposed to be a writer or else you would just have to decide and then it would be given to you."
5. It takes more than mindset to accomplish anything.
Now, I spend a lot of time on mindset work. A lot. Daily journaling, meditating, affirmations, positive talk, radical self care (still working on this one). And I can tell you this, with 100% certainty -
A decision doesn't matter if you don't do the work to make it happen.
You have to take inspired action if you want any dream to come true.
Action makes things happen. Not thinking about the action. Not writing about the action. Not complaining or posting about the action.
Doing the action.
For me, it is writing.
Everyday. Whether I want to or not. Whether it is shitty or not. Whether I even know what I am writing about or not.
Doing the writing.
It's the only way for me to be a writer.
A better way to say it is...
You can do anything you set your mind to -- as long as you make that decision and take action every single day.
Then, and only then, will your dreams come true (and even then, it's not up to you).
Let go and let God (and then work your ass off) is another way to say it.
How advice would you give instead?